frankiecocozzaappreciation:

FRANKIE COCOZZA is devastated after burying his best pal on Friday – but so proud that the tragedy meant five other young lives were saved.

Connor Saunders died aged just 19 from head injuries after a night out with friends last month — but had signed up for an organ donor card three years ago.

X Factor singer Frankie said: “When I found out that his organs were used to save five other young people’s lives I had never felt prouder. There are five people out there who have the chance of a future now — all because of him.

“I just wish there was a way of letting them know just how special the man was who is part of them now. I reckon every one of them will go on to achieve something amazing now, all because of my mate.”

A 14-year-old boy is due to appear at Brighton Youth Court next week charged with Connor’s manslaughter.

Frankie is struggling to come to terms with the loss of his friend.

He said: “I don’t know how I managed to keep putting one foot in front of the other without breaking down. Connor was the closest thing I had to a brother. I loved him like he was a member of my own family.”

The singer was honoured when Connor’s mum Darran asked him to be a pallbearer at the funeral. Connor’s initials and the number of lives he saved were printed on his coffin.

Frankie said: “When she said she wanted me to carry him in I knew it would be hard — but I had to do it.

“I’ve no doubt that if things had turned out the other way round Connor would have been the first to say that he would carry me. I wanted to do that one last thing for him.”

Frankie, 19, is still haunted by the moment he said goodbye to the young man who had been his closest friend and confidant from early childhood.

He woke up in a hotel room in Scotland on April 15 to discover that Connor was dying. He had more than 200 missed calls on his mobile phone.

Frankie said: “I’d been on a night out. I was still half asleep when my phone rang again. It was my mate Olly, who told me that Connor was in intensive care and the doctors had given him two hours to live.

“I threw on my clothes, grabbed my wallet and ran out of the hotel, leaving everything else behind. I didn’t realise I’d left my passport in my room.”

When airport staff told Frankie that he couldn’t get a flight home without it, he broke down.

He added: “I knew then I wasn’t going to be with Connor at the end — and I was in a terrible state.

“I felt like I had let him down. I had to spend the next five hours on a train, where I just sat and cried.

“Things got even worse when the battery went on my phone so I couldn’t even call anyone to find out what was going on. I kept picturing Connor and thinking about how he was my best mate and I was never going to see him again.

“I couldn’t believe what was happening. I’d never felt more desperate or alone in my life.”

Tragically, by the time Frankie arrived at the Royal Sussex County Hospital, Connor had already passed away. Frankie said: “It was the saddest sight you can imagine.

“Connor was lying on a bed with his family around him — all people who mean the world to me. They were each touching him and crying.

“I walked over, leaned down and kissed my friend gently on the top of his head. Then I said goodbye.

“At that moment I knew that my life would never be the same again.”

Nearly a month on and Frankie said the pain still has not eased. He revealed: “If I forget for five minutes that he’s gone, and find myself laughing or feeling any happiness, I feel so guilty.

“No matter what I’m doing or where I am, Connor is in my thoughts. He was an amazing person and I just can’t believe he’s gone.

“I don’t know who I’m supposed to look up to any more.”

Frankie idolised Connor. He added: “We went to nursery, then primary school and high school together.

“His house was like a second home for me, and vice versa. His family even took me on holiday to Florida with them when we were 13.

“Connor was how I hoped eventually to turn out myself. He was the bloke that everyone looked up to as an example of how you should live your life.” Frankie’s pal was a promising footballer who played for Peacehaven & Telscombe FC. He had a girlfriend and a good job as a plasterer.

Frankie said: “On the surface I seemed to be the one with everything — the fame and the girls. But it was me who envied what Connor had rather than the other way round.

“He had a lovely girlfriend and wasn’t afraid of responsibilities, getting up at five most mornings so he could go to the gym then start work at 7am.

“Before X Factor, when I spent my days smoking weed while my mum was at work, he’d turn round to me and say, ‘Come on Frankie, sort yourself out.’ He never judged me — he just wanted me to make something of myself.” When Frankie’s world began to unravel as his X Factor dream fell apart last year, Connor remained his rock. He said: “He was the one person I could call up and admit that I was feeling depressed…

“He would remind me that this was what I’d wanted from being a little kid. ‘Hang in there’, he used to say, and so I did.”

Six weeks before he died Connor took a week off work. Frankie said: “He hardly ever took time off, and I told him we should do something great together to make the most of it.

“We flew to Paris, went to Disneyland and messed about like we were a couple of daft kids again. We had the best time. It was as though it was meant to be. I’m so glad we did it.”

As Connor lay dying, his doctors gently told his family that he carried an organ donor card and could help other people.

This has since been a great source of comfort for his parents, Darran and Shaun, his brother Callum, sister Courtney and, of course, Frankie.

Frankie said: “We used to talk about how when we got married we’d be best man for each other, and that our kids would be best mates just like we’ve always been…

“I keep torturing myself thinking how Connor can’t be my best man any more — and how he won’t ever have kids that will be able to grow up alongside mine. It breaks my heart.” But Frankie knows that Connor would not want him to grieve for ever.

He said: “I’ve got to pick myself up and carry on trying to achieve the ambition he always knew I had from us being little kids together — to break into the music industry. I know he’d hate me to give up. So I’m writing every day.

“Connor might not be around any more, and I’ll miss him for the rest of my life.

“But every day I tell myself that he’s out there, somewhere, and I can still try to make him as proud of me as I will always be of him.”

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